— Inner Mastery, Outer Impact —
Master Your Inner Core with our 9-day Reflection Journey
One day, in an executive workshop I was running at Columbia Business School, a U.S. Secret Service officer who was in attendance shared the following experience with us:
My wife, Melanie, and I were sitting on the back porch of our house in Washington, D.C. when a man with a gun broke into our backyard. With the gun pointing at me, he said, “Go back into your house, pick up all the valuables — jewelry, cash — put them in this bag, and bring them back to me.”
As a security expert, I was mentally preparing myself for my next move, when Melanie said to the armed man with deep concern in her voice, “I can’t believe you’re doing this. What could ever compel you to take this kind of risk? You must be going through a difficult time.”
After a pause, she continued, “You know, my husband and I were just having some wine and we were going to have dinner in a few minutes. Why don’t you join us? I want to hear about what’s happening in your life because I am really worried about you.”
My jaw dropped when I heard her. But the next minute this man had put down his gun and was sitting with us, having dinner. After the meal, as he was reaching for his gun, I said, “Sir, you can leave, but you cannot take this gun.” The personal story he had shared with us at dinner was of course a very sad one, and I didn’t want him to run into any more trouble, with others or himself. And so he left without his gun.
The next day there was a knock on the door, and it was him. He said, “Listen, I have not come here for the gun. I just wanted to let you and your wife know that I’m deeply grateful. Thank you for what you did for me last night.”
In that moment of peril in the backyard, the person with power was the gunman. The person with the expertise to deal with danger was the Secret Service agent. And yet, between the gunman, the Secret Service agent and his wife Melanie, who ended up leading — and who ended up following?
There are so many things she did right. She was fearless! A peacemaker! So tactful! Empathetic! Friendly! Warm! Supportive! Independent! Decisive! Fast-thinking!
But perhaps the key to her mastery of the moment is much simpler. In the face of the intrusion, Melanie didn’t allow herself to get flustered or furious. She remained centered in her inner core — the space from which her best self could arise. And instead of viewing the gunman as a deranged criminal, she pierced through his outer form to honor his own best self, his inner core, and helped him return to that place.
This is what all exemplary leaders do. They strive to operate from their inner core and inspire others to operate from their own. This creates the conditions in which people come together to accomplish remarkable things.
In Principle 3, we discussed how your inner core is, in fact, your true self. So, what brings you inner success — a growing feeling of authenticity — is the same as what brings you outer success: a striving to operate from your core.
Take a moment to reflect. Was there a moment recently where you were agitated by someone’s behavior — maybe a colleague, a friend, or even a stranger in the parking lot? How did you respond? Now, how could you have responded differently if you acted the way Melanie did?
Your inner core brings you the clarity of mind you need to analyze issues objectively and make enlightened choices. It frees you from habitual modes of thought and from confining personality traits and attachments, so your choices can be guided not by ego or insecurity, but by your commitment to your purpose and values. It creates a space between the triggers you experience — the disappointing email, the challenging question from a colleague at a meeting — and your response to those triggers, empowering you to act with intention rather than instinct. It grounds you on the inside, then empowers you to act in the most impactful way on the outside.
To get the best out of others, you need to help them activate their core. When you are operating from your core and they from theirs, you form a common core together. In that moment everyone experiences a deep resonance, not just in what they are saying or doing, but in what they are feeling, thinking and valuing on the inside.
Think back on moments like this — when you and another individual, you and your family, you and your team, you and an audience felt a kind of fusion of spirit, as though there was only one heart beating in the room. Such occasions may be rare, but they are real. And magical.
In our next newsletter, I will guide you to how your core isn’t simply the source of all success — it is also your most reliable guide in life.
Note: Parts of this newsletter are excerpted from my book, Inner Mastery, Outer Impact: How Your 5 Core Energies Hold the Key to Success.
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