What would you do if a loved one was in pain?

My student Stacey shared the following story in my MBA class, Personal Leadership & Success, at Columbia Business School.

When I was thirteen, I was taken to the hospital with a health problem. It was determined that I needed surgery, which was scheduled for the week after. I was to stay in the hospital during this time so they could monitor my condition. But on the second day, the physician knocked on my door and asked to speak with my father. They both left the room to have a conversation.

What ensued between them was not made known to me at the time, but my father shared it with me many years later. 

The physician told my father that he had two pieces of bad news. One, they would need to perform the surgery that very evening. He had determined it would not be safe to wait a week. And two, because of a medical issue I had, they would not be able to give me anesthesia. The surgery would need to be performed without it.

I did not know about this conversation — but I did experience what happened next. My father returned to my room, beaming with a smile. 

“My dear Stacey, you know that surgery they were to do on you? Well, I have two pieces of good news. 

“The first is that the doctor says you can actually have that surgery today — he does not need to wait a week. So, you’ll recover over the next three days, and then you’ll be back at home instead of waiting another week. 

“The second piece of good news is that they have been observing you at this hospital, and you are the bravest teenager they have seen! They don’t even believe you need anesthesia when he performs the surgery. It may hurt a little here and there, but you’ll get through it fine because you’re so brave. I am so proud of you.”

I do not know how I went through the surgery that day, but my father’s words and beaming smile had a lot to do with it. There was pain, but I wasn’t going to let it matter because I was, after all, the bravest teenager in that hospital’s history. Only years later did I learn what the doctor had actually told my father.

Are you living or leading?

By striving to stay calm when the doctor broke the news, by transcending his own pain about what his daughter would go through, by finding a way to spark courage in his daughter, was Stacey’s father merely living — or leading? 

And by accepting her father’s invitation to go on a hero’s journey rather than dismissing his message, by taking on the challenge of proving her remarkable mettle, was Stacey merely living — or leading?

What if we approached all life moments as leadership moments?

When we take on the mantle of leadership, we seek to bring out the best in ourselves and the best in others, in service of a noble purpose. Even if it is just a small, momentary purpose. This is the core of Inner Mastery, Outer Impact: an invitation life is giving you to activate the qualities of your soul in all your pursuits. Soul-wisdom, soul-love, soul-purpose, soul-joy, soul-strength.

Take a moment to reflect. If you took stock of all you’re doing today and chose to express your soul qualities in every moment, what would you be doing more of, and less of?

When we reach into our soul, our core, and express it in all we do — that, I offer you, is the essence of a life well lived. 

“Well,” you might think, “I’m OK with the idea of living a life well-lived. But I also want outer success! I want acceptance, approval, admiration… how do I get those?” That will be the subject of our next newsletter.

Note: Parts of this newsletter are excerpted from my book, Inner Mastery, Outer Impact: How Your 5 Core Energies Hold the Key to Success.